Posted by Polar Pilot on December 22, 2000 at 14:54:46:
In Reply to: Fair is fair, I guess posted by INTRUDN on December 22, 2000 at 05:00:18:
GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT -- BUSH TO BE
SMITTEN LATER TODAY
In a stunning development this morning, God invoked
the "one nation,
under God" clause of the amended Pledge of Allegiance
to overrule last night's
Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to
George Bush.
"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God
said this morning
on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell
not going to lie back
and let Bush get away with this @#!%$."
"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the
exact vote count in
Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO
know exactly who
voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won
Florida by exactly 20,219
votes."
Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's
unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and
awards Florida to Al Gore,
giving him a 292-246 victory. The Bush campaign is
analyzing God's Word for
possible grounds for appeal.
"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush
campaign strategist
Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S.
Presidential Election
is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the
constitution of the state of
Florida."
"Jim Baker's a #@!%$," God responded. "He's got some
surprises ahead of
him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I
mean."
God, who provided the exact vote counts for every
Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter
confusion were no grounds to give
the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for
Buchanan. Get
real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe
me? I'll name them:
Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James;
Barnhardt, Ron..."
Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased
with George W.
Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would
officially smite him today. In
an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of
Job, God has taken
all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his
wealth and possessions,
sold his family into slavery, forced the former
presidential candidate into
hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep
boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.